A Befuddled Hummingbird

Hummingbird enjoying the flower.

We had an exciting time the other day. We leave our doors open for the cool air. Much to my surprise, air conditioners are not usually put into mountain cabins. Anyway, our doors are open, allowing the fresh air in, our dog to go in and out as he pleases, and for any and all insects to flit through our living room. Suddenly we heard the tell-tale sound of a hummingbird. Yep! One found its way into the living room but couldn’t find its way back out. We kept hearing it flutter against the window desperately trying to get to the outside it could plainly see. Wouldn’t you know, the window it was determined to fly out of was at least 12  feet up. Finally, my husband got the LARGE ladder and tried to gently encourage the bird to move toward the door. All that happened is the bird got stunned, dropped to the floor where my Labrador was trying to determine if it was something he could play with. I managed to pick it up and take it outside and place it on the table. It promptly got up and flew away. That bird was determined to go in a specific direction, but it just wasn’t going to happen.

We often get stymied by insisting on one direction in life when we really need to be going another way. We can get trapped in our own minds listening to the lies the world tries to feed us. All we are doing is bouncing off the window, not making any progress. We are using mental energy believing cognitive distortions.

Cognitive distortion is an irrational thought that can influence our emotions. We all have such thoughts from time to time, but we do need to recognize them, so they don’t become our jailers.

• Magnification and minimization is exaggerating or minimizing the importance of an event. Closely related is catastrophizing which is seeing only the worst possible outcome of a situation.

• Overgeneralization – making broad interpretations from a single or few events. “I felt awkward during my first job interview. I am always so awkward.” (BEWARE of the words “always” and “never.”)

  
  

• Magical thinking – the belief that acts will influence unrelated situations. “I am a good person – bad things shouldn’t happen to me.”

  
  

• Personalization – the belief that one is responsible for events outside of their own control. “My mother is always upset. It must be because I have not done enough to help her."

  
  

• Jumping to conclusions – interpreting the meaning of a situation with little or no evidence. And related is mind reading where you interpret the thoughts and beliefs of others without adequate evidence. “She would not go on a date with me. She must think I am ugly.” And there is the fortune telling distortion – the expectation that a situation will turn out badly without adequate evidence.

  
  

• Some people get trapped in emotional reasoning which is the assumption that emotions reflect the way things really are. “I feel like a bad friend, therefore I must be a bad friend.”

  
  

• What about disqualifying the positive – recognizing only negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive. One might receive many compliments on an evaluation but focus on the single piece of negative feedback.

  
  

• We stated before we need to be careful of “always” or “never.” Add to that list the word “every.” “Every time I try to make a suggestion, I get shut down.” All-or-nothing thinking creates absolutes which prevent you from moving forward.

Our trapped little hummingbird could have been using the “jumping to conclusions” distortion because it couldn’t accept the evidence that he wasn’t getting out that way even though he could clearly see the sky. What distortions do you tend to use that are actually hurting your progress toward a well-adjusted, happy life?